Courierdansen
by Rowana Renee
Summary: Halts' wedding. Will can't dance. Alyss shows him. It looks like we're about to discover what we didn't know about a certain courier...uh oh O o*


Here's something that I just thought of while working a piece of Evanescensey-weirdness for you. *Beams in general direction of readers* I bet you didn't know I could do something like what's coming next, did you? Kakakakaaaaaa! (Orry, I was litterally just coughing while trying to write laughter) Anyways, this is gonna be WEIRD! I don't know now if I'll be able to put in the fluff I was planning lol...Yeah, it's a parody at the end XP AHAHAHHAHHAAAAAA!

As a warning though, this is totally weird and outragously randoooooooom! *Coughs* Yeah...Be warned, it'sa be more of a parody by the end...XD

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* * *

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Will could tell that there was something seriously wrong with Halt from the moment the man came through the door. Yes, something was very wrong. Will wondered if Halt had been poisoned. Just in case he made sure that he knew exactly where the medical kit was, after all, he couldn't have Halt dying before he graduated! He wasn't sure if he'd be able to live in the same house with Gilan and not go insane, seeing as the other man was so different than Halt.

Will gazed up at him, goggle-eyed with curiosity. "You sound...happy."

Halt nodded with vigour. "Of course I sound happy! Why wouldn't I be happy? There's no reason not to be happy!"

Will flinched, suddenly realizing why Halt wanted him to be cornered in the chair so badly. Curses; he'd forgotten his knife..."Who are you and what have you done with Halt? You're not going to kill me, I know you won't, 'cause then the real Halt would come after you and wait a second, did you kill the real Halt?"

Halt blinked. "What?"

Will continued to glare at him. "Fine then, so you did kill Halt...I'll miss him a lot...can I at least write a note before you kill me?"

Halt suddenly started laughing, which was even scarier. "Why would I kill you? Well, right now I don't want to, maybe later but...Why are you changing the subject? I just said I've got something important to tell you!"

Will sighed, deciding that Halt had in fact been terribly poisoned. He may as well humor the poor man in his last moments. "What is it?"

Halt sighed almost wistfully and, in a very quiet, serious voice announced, "I just proposed to Pauline. And she said yes."

Wills' entire world shattered into a million little shards. "She said what?"

Halt nodded, finally returning from the ninth cloud and coming back to reality. "Right, our wedding will be in a few months, can't be done right away because she's got to go visit her mother and figure out how to get a seventy-eight year old woman over here, and then the two of them are going to summon every woman they know to plan out how the wedding is going to go so that they'll all be stunningly beautiful when the time comes, you know, because everyone will be looking at them and whatnot. Were it done my way, however, we'd just make a visit to the baron and be done with it. Heh, women are always complicating everything..."

Will slid down a little in his chair. "Wha-?"

Halt nodded seriously. "So," he said, gazing at Will as if he, Halt, was a professor of some high form of science, "Can you dance?"

Will continued to gape, dumbfounded, at his mentor. "Do wha-?"

Halt nodded. "Yes, dance. You know, move about in a way that looks terribly fancy while some people play music, that sort of thing."

Will blinked. "Huh?"

Halt raised an eyebrow. "Okay...can you at least fake like you know how to dance?"

Wills' mental light turned on. "Wait wait wait, wait. You're getting married?"

Halt nodded several times.

"To Pauline?"

Halt nodded again. "To Pauline."

"And you're doing this why?"

Halt blinked. "Why wouldn't I marry Pauline?"

Will frowned. "Are you trying to say I can't cook and wash dishes well enough or something? I think getting married is a little drastic, you could have just told me and-"

Halt chuckled a bit and ruffled Wills' hair in an unHaltlike way. "No need to be upset over it, Will, you'll still be my apprentice."

Will turned slightly red. "What? That's got nothing to do with it! You're joking, aren't you? You're not really getting married?"

Halt scowled. "Of course I am! I wouldn't joke about it. I'm sure you and Pauline will get along just fine, Will, you'll just have to get used to her, that's all."

Will sighed. "But..."

Halt nodded. "I know it sounds strange, Will, but you'll get used to it eventually."

Heh, as if...

* * *

The wedding was about a month away, and Will had finally come to the shocking discovery of the fact that he couldn't dance. At all. It looked more like tripping, falling over, and running into walls, all the while stepping all over the broom that had become his dancing partner. Curses...

And he also found out the hard way that practicing dancing whilst outside isn't a good practice, at all...

"Mommy, look, the ranger's demon posessed!"

Will flinched at the comment; he wasn't failing that miserably at dancing, was he? Well, it was a little child that had said he looked demon-posessed, so what did she know? Probably nothing.

Will continued to imagine music in his head, dancing as he'd seen other people do, or so he thought. The little girl continued to watch him from the crest of a hill, giggling with mirth every time he tripped and fell over, jumping back up to start again. Halt was off somewhere, probably with Pauline discussing plans for their wedding.

Will didn't know why, but he didn't really want them to get married, nor did he want to dance.

"Oh Will, you look like you've been posessed by a demon."

Will jumped at the voice, looking up to Alyss standing nearby, shaking her head and chuckling at his failure. He wondered how he could have possibly not noticed her before. He grinned at her, embarrassed, and nodded. "I know. It's Halts' fault, he's the one that wants me to dance."

Alyss raised an eyebrow. "That was dancing? I though you were trying to ward off an evil spirit."

Will sighed. "Exactly."

"Why haven't you figured out that the best thing to do is just get a woman to teach you? Men don't naturally know how to dance, you should've at least figured that much out."

Will glowered at her. "Well I have figured out that I don't know how to."

Alyss slowly approached him, still smiling a little, and nodded a few times. "I can teach you."

Will blinked. "You will?"

Alyss adapted a teasing tone. "If you say 'please'."

Will rolled his eyes. "Please?"

Alyss smirked. "Alright, but let's go inside first, okay?"

* * *

_Ranger, are you ready to join me now?_  
_Hands in the air, I will show you now._  
_Come and try._  
_A courier will be your guide (Be your guide)_

Alyss stood in front of Will, instructing him on the various types of dancing that there were.

"Seeing as how you don't know any of them, we'll start with something basic."

Will had a feeling he was about to be tortured psat endurance by a very cruel version of Alyss who was going to enjoy every minute of it. "You'd better not make me look like an idiot-" he began.

Alyss beamed at him, but didn't touch on that comment. "Right, put both hands up." she said.

Will raised an eyebrow, but complied anyway. "Why?"

Alyss rolled her eyes. "Just go with it."

Will cast Alyss a suspisious look, bringing both arms back down. "What kind of dance is this?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Well, it may have something to do with the fact that that posistion reminds me of a poor, dead animal about to be skinned, gutted, and then cooked so it can be eaten by a crowd of Skandians."

Alyss, once again, rolled her eyes. "If I do it with you will you feel better?"

Will shrugged, eventually nodding. "Okay then."

Alyss smiled at him, but he couldn't help but think there was something evil about that look. "Right, both hands up, and then do this." she then demonstrated.

Will gaped. "No way in-"

Alyss glared at him.

Will sighed and made a feeble attempt.

Alyss nearly died laughing. "Is that really the best you can do? Oh my, how'd you get so stiff? Haha, you look like an old man. Surely you can do better than that! More like this," again, she demonstrated.

Feeling like he was being slowly disolved into a puddle of nerves and foolishness, Will made a slightly better feeble attempt.

Alyss sighed, still chuckling a little. "Will, you'll do better than that unless you want me to get Horace over here to hit you a couple of times, loosen you up a bit."

Will paled and made a slightly too un-feeble attempt, finally calming down until the ridiculous dance-move passed inspection from Alyss.

"Right, lets' move on, shall we?"

_So come on and move your hips and sing,_  
_oa-ah-ah_  
_Look at your two hips do it_  
_La la la_  
_You and me, can sing this melody_

"You seem to be doing it right now, so now we can work on your rythm, which is pretty bad, by the way."

Will glared at her, still feeling rather stupid. "What now?"

Alyss then sang a few very stupid-sounding and very girly notes. "Just do that and move at the same time, that way you get your timing right."

Will shook his head rapidly. "I am not saying that."

Alyss sighed. "Do you want to learn or not?"

"Of course I want to learn, but I can't sing-"

Alyss nodded. "I've heard you sing; you've got a great voice, you can't sound that bad, even if you do sing that."

Will, feeling like he was being slowly murdered in the cruelest way known to man, sang the notes that Alyss had previously introduced him to. "Are you happy now?"

Alyss shook her head. "No, you've got to keep doing it, while doing the dance. I'll do it with you, of course, now try again."

_Ohwa-ohwa-ah-oh_

Will had to admit, and he was very ashamed to admit it, that when he ignored the absolute foolishness of the dance Alyss was teaching him, it was at least a little bit fun. Plus it looked so unlike something Alyss would normally see as worthy to take part in, that it made him wonder if she did this when no one was watching. Ha, imagine that, Alyss doing this in her spare time. It was so amusing to think of that he actually grinned a little, making eye-contact with Alyss for the first time.

Alyss grinned back, nodding. "You're doing well, shall we go a bit faster?"

Will, still feeling a little nervous about it, shrugged. "Why not?"

_Dance to the beat,_  
_Wave your hands together_  
_Come feel the heat, forever and ever._  
_Listen and learn,_  
_It is time for prancing,_  
_Now we are here, with me and Will dancing._

* * *

Horace had been looking for Alyss for hours now, unable to find her anywhere, until of course he'd run into Halt, who was with lady Pauline, and had been told that Alyss was visiting Will at Halts' house at the moment, thus sending him on his journey to the somewhat scary cabin at the edge of the woods.

He paused outside the door, unsure of what he was hearing. Upon listening more carefully, however, he realized that it was _singing_. How strange...both Will and Alyss we singing, their voices sometimes being broken with almost childish giggles. It didn't sound like they were singing anything in particular, mostly just strange noises.

Weird, he would have thought that, if the two of them were to sing anything together, it would be a love song of some sort, not the gibberish he was hearing now. Still, it was a catchy sort of sound.

_O-o-ohwa-ohwa  
O-o-ohwa-ohwa-ah-oh  
O-o-ohwa-ohwa,  
O-o-ohwa-ohwa-ah-oh_

Deciding against knocking, Horace opened the door and was met by the strangest sight he'd ever laid eyes on. Will and Alyss, doing a very odd dance and singing happily. He smirked, noticing with glee that neither of them had noticed him. Oh, this was going to make fantastic blackmail matierial, if he could prove it had happened.

He continued to watch for a moment before coughing rather loudly, making Will freeze in place and Alyss give him a rather stern look. She smiled at Horace, still looking almost pleased with herself. "Oh, Horace, would you like a dancing lesson as well?"

Horace didn't know much about dance lessons, only that he didn't want one and would only go through one if dragged, kicking and screaming all the way. "D-dance lesson? What? N-no thank you, I'm fine. I know how to-why would I need a dance lesson?"

Will smirked. "For Halts' wedding. C'mon, it's fun."

Horace shook his head, invoking the most childish display he'd ever seen from an eighteen year old.

"C'mon Horace, please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please please please please please?"

"No, no, no, no, no."

"But Horace!"

"But, Will!"

Alyss rolled her eyes. "Stop it, both of you. Yes, Horace, you're going to learn how to dance. We don't want you stepping on Evanlyns' toes now do we?" she fluttered her eyelashes sweetly at him

* * *

Gilan had been travelling for what felt like an eternity to get to Redmont, having gotten a letter from Halt saying that his mentor was about to do the unthinkable and actually get married. It was almost dispicable.

But not as scary as what he heard upon arriving at his mentors' house, there were three voices, the lot of them singing the weirdest song Gilan had ever heard. He entered slowly, marvelling at the sight before him. Alyss, Will, and Horace all dancing and singing the strange song he'd heard from outside. Now this was weird.

"What are you three doing?"

They all paused for a moment, exchanging glances.

Gilan smirked. "Mind if I join you?"

_From Redmont to Meric fief we will bring our song,  
For the rangers' wedding you have journeyed long,  
You have heard,  
That means all around the world._

_O-o-ohwa-ohwa-ah-oh,  
Now come on and move your hips singing_

Oa-ah-ah  
Look at your two hips do it  
La la la  
You and me, can sing this melody

* * *

Halt had expected to return home to find Will exhausted and probably unconscience from the dancing lesson Alyss had given him. No, instead he returned to find four idiots dancing in his living room.

He stood back to watch for a moment before making his presence known. "Aw, isn't that adorable?" he teased

Will fell over instantly, Gilan started laughing like he'd gone insane(er), Alyss blushed and looked away, and Horace looked like he was considering climbing into the fireplace to escape.

"I-I can explain-" Will began

Halt shook his head, looking at Alyss. "Where on Earth did you learn that dance? Surely not from Pauline, right?"

Alyss smirked. "Possibly."

Halt chuckled and looked at Will again. "She seriously convinced you to do that? And you, Horace? And Gi...no never mind, I would have expected this from you, Gilan."

Gilan beamed at him. "Thanks, Halt!"

Alyss got that evil look again. "Say, Halt, we don't want you stepping on Paulines' toes, do we?"

_So come on and  
Dance to the beat,  
Wave your hands together  
Come on and feel the heat, forever and forever.  
Listen and learn,  
Now it's time for prancing,  
Here we are with rangers and couriers dancing.  
(Coughs, and a warrior)  
_

* * *

Pauline couldn't believe it; Halt had actually accidently left his saxe knife. Now she was returning it to him, though admittedly she wasn't exactly annoyed at having to do so. She smiled to herself as she approached the cabin, wondering if she'd be asked to stay for dinner with the two rangers within, not minding one bit if she'd get to see Halt for a few extra hours, of course, seeing Will wasn't bad either, but she did have to say that she couldn't really care less about him at the moment.

She could tell from the moment she knocked on the door that something wasn't quite right...

Halt opened the door and she noticed that his hair looked a bit scruffier than it had when he'd left the castle, and he looked slightly flushed, as if he'd been doing something rather...energetically...and wondered if he and Will had been practicing with their ranger knives at this hour.

And then she noticed the dumb grin on his face. "Oh, Pauline, come in." he stepped aside so she could enter and she instantly started laughing

There were Will, Alyss, Gilan, and Horace, all dancing and quite oblivious to her presense. She cast Halt an amused look.

Halt paled. "Uh, I was just, eh...watching."

Pauline nodded. "Sure you were."

Halt shrugged. "Okay fine, but they forced me."

Alyss and Will spoke at the same time. "And he was only too happy to be forced as well."

Halt sighed, turning to Pauline with a mischievious look. "Care to dance?" he asked, pulling her into line with the others and joining the chaotic dance once more.

_Dance to the beat,  
Wave your hands together,  
Come on, feel the heat, forever and forever.  
Listen and learn,  
Now it's time for prancing,  
Here we are with Alyss, and Will and crew and dancing.  
O-o-ohwa-ohwa  
O-o-ohwa-ohwa-ah-oh  
O-o-ohwa-ohwa  
O-o-ohwa-ohwa-ah-oh  
So come on and  
Dance to the beat,  
Wave your hands together  
Come on, feel the heat, forever and forever.  
Listen and learn,  
Now it's time for prancing,  
Here we are with Alyss, and Will and crew and dancing.  
_

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* * *

_

(on the day of the wedding)

Halt and Pauline had said their vows and were officially husband and wife, so you'd think it was time for cake, right? No, actually it was time for dancing, and then _maybe _some cake later. Of course, if Halt had had his way they would have had cake right away, and it would have been coffee flavoured. As it were, his cake was chocolate with coffee-flavoured icing, which Halt would most likely complain about because of the added sugar. Yep, odds were he'd prefer a huge mug of coffee and maybe some cake on the side, but of course he had to think about the poor guests who didn't share his addiction. Bugger on that, just bugger.

Will wasn't too concerned about the dancing either, moreso since Alyss had only taught him one dance. And that one dance was...well...So Will was staring longingly at the cake, Halts' cake, and dearly wishing that they'd let him have a mug of coffee to dunk his slice into, when the time came. He wondered how creeped out Alyss would be by that particular action...

He didn't notice that the band had started playing a slow-dance for Halt and Pauline, nor that Halt was what could simply be refferred to as...awesome...too bad it was a slow-dance; Halt surely would have done nothing less than own at a faster paced type of dance...ah well. He and Pauline seemed to be in their own little world at the moment, actually.

_Can you feel the love tonight,_  
_The peace that evening brings?  
The world, for once, is in perfect harmony  
With all its living things._

However, they were pulled out of their little world by Gilan and Jenny, doing nothing less than totally _getting down _with their dancing. They were certainly going fast, it could be said. Actually, they were going at a rather breakneck pace.(Jitterbugging)

Meanwhile, Alyss approached Will with an ecstatic grin. She grabbed him by the hand and began to pull him toward the dance floor while he protested vigorously.

"Alyss! No, no, I can't dance!" he hissed furiously.

Alyss rolled her eyes and proceeded to make the worst. Mistake. _Ever_.

Halt, watching with a mix of amusement and absolute horror, terror, and bewilderment, raised an eyebrow as he watched Will, completely lost as to what kind of dance _Alyss_- who'd just remembered with fear that she'd only taught Will one dance- was doing, begin to do the single dance that he knew, which was, by some horrible chance, the singular worst dance _ever _to do at a wedding.

_So come on and  
Dance to the beat  
Wave your hands together  
Come on and feel the heat, forever and forever.  
Listen and learn,  
Now it's time for prancing,  
Now here we are, with Alyss and Will dancing._

"What is he doing?" Halt whispered curiously to Pauline.

Pauline, looking like she wasn't sure whether to laugh or pass out from horror and embarrassment, shook her head while giggling slightly. "Do you really want to know?" she asked

Halt was starting to really be afraid. "Yes, what is he doing?"

Pauline sighed and started pulling Halt toward Will. "Courierdansen."

* * *

This is my melody,  
This, the rangers' fantasy,  
'cause I know  
If you're in love with me  
Tonight,  
We'll rave right through the night.

So come on and  
Dance to the beat,  
Wave your hands together  
Come on and feel the heat, forever and forever.  
Listen and learn,  
Now it's time for prancing,  
Now here we are,  
With Alyss and Will dancing.  
Come on and feel the beat,  
Wave your hands together,  
Come on and feel the heat, forever and forever,  
Listen and learn,  
Now it's time for prancing,  
Now here we are,  
With Alyss and Will dancing.

* * *

! Was that utterly DUMB or WHAT? *Cackles* I feel so pleased! BAHAHAHAAAAAAA! *Gets Will plushie and makes it Caramelldance* Heh, I was going to still make this serious at the end, BUT WHAT FUN WOULD THAT BE? *Continues to cackle before switching to Evanescense mode* ;)


End file.
